Today, the B.C. government said it would buy the oil leaking profusely from the bottom of the Gulf Of Mexico, off the coast of Louisiana.

The plan is simple, says B.C.'s premier, Gordon Campbell, we'll gather it all up and resell it. 

Campbell foresees no trouble selling oil in its condition. There must be lots of countries who could use cheap, water-damaged oil, he figures. And, if not, we'll slap on a tax and offer it to B.C. residents.

Hey look, Campbell reasons, we slipped in the HST. Sure, there were protests at first, notably led by that troublesome hypocrite Bill Vander Zalm, but we got our way in the end. Just forced it through and protest be damned. All we Liberals have to say is that we're acting to keep the B.C. economy strong. That should silence everyone. Everybody wants a strong economy. Just ask that homeless guy to your right.

Probably, this oil is cheaper than the refined variety, Campbell continues. Far less expensive and probably not as bad as the media say. Didn't I read somewhere that this might be the worst oil spill disaster in history but the jury is still out on its lasting effect? Until this fiasco, everybody had all but forgotten the Valdez incident. So maybe in a few years all will be forgiven and British Petroleum can go on chalking up record-setting profits and pass the cost of clean up to car owners.

Before that, the B.C. government plans to beat BP at its own game by taking its oil and selling it for an unestimated profit. The Chinese might buy it, Campbell speculates. They don't have trade standards and can't resist a deal.

Beside, there must be a lot of uses for tainted oil. Weed killer. Harvester of sea life. Beach lubricant; just mix with sand. Add lead and you might have something really toxic that could be attractive.